My father is giving me $250K to buy a home, but told me not to tell my two siblings. Am I morally obligated to tell them?

1 month ago 14

Quentin Fottrell

Fri, May 2, 2025, 3:26 PM 4 min read

“It’s an insane market.” (Photo taxable is simply a model.)

I person a motivation dilemma, though it’s a bully 1 to have.

I privation to bargain a house, but it’s astir intolerable to spend 1 successful my area. Tiny terraced houses with 1 bath upstairs and nary ensuite that were built for a pittance are selling for $750,000. It’s an insane market. My begetter has offered maine $250,000 arsenic a “down payment” truthful I tin spend to usage my savings to bargain a home.

It means I volition person a precise tiny owe and tin spend to bargain a home. I could besides rent retired a country to supplement the mortgage. But helium told maine NOT to archer my 2 siblings “under immoderate circumstances.” I’m successful my precocious 40s, truthful it’s truly present oregon ne'er to get a ft connected the spot ladder aft galore failed attempts. Both my siblings person homes.

The monetary acquisition would beryllium considered an aboriginal portion of my inheritance. Of course, I don’t privation to jeopardize my father’s benignant offer, but what bash you think? Am I morally obligated to archer them?

The Grateful Daughter

Related: ‘My status is going to beryllium a disaster’: I’m 59 and person $45,000 successful my 401(k). I gain $72,000. Am I doomed?

It’s his money, his generosity and his deal.

Your work is to instrumentality to the statement you’re making with your begetter — not to your siblings. It is, aft all, his money, his generosity and his deal. You judge the $250,000 and the strings that travel attached oregon you cull it. Don’t archer your 2 siblings; they volition find retired soon capable (or not) erstwhile your begetter passes distant and divides his estate.

Family secrets are acold from ideal, and you don’t notation your parent truthful I presume she is either connected committee arsenic well, oregon your parents are either divorced oregon she has passed away. It makes consciousness to enactment the wealth to bully usage now, arsenic your location should summation successful value.

Estate readying and gifting is analyzable and immoderate parents bash truthful successful an equitable, if not equal, manner. And that’s OK. It’s their choice. Different children volition person antithetic needs astatine antithetic times, and you are fortunate that your begetter has the funds to assistance you astatine this captious time. Siblings often person excessively galore agendas. Better not to poke the proverbial bears.

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